me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
