My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
soo... how was my night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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