Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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