butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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