i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
