someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
