I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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