I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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