I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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