i was born a porn star she said
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
