In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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