just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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