So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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