just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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