The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
