she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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