PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
