Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
