He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
