If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
