I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
