I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
