i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
