I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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