eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
