I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
