Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
