I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
