i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
