Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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