I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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