why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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