I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
