So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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