Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just threw up on my dentist
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
