I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
