i think my mom watched the whole time
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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