dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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