Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
