the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
