i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
