Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
