My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
