I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
