My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am one with the molecules
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
