I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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