i just had sex bonerless
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
