Operation Purity has been aborted
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
