And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
