halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
