FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
