she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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