do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
