the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
