Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
