We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
