I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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