The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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