she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
