She is in my trunk
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So squirting runs in the family.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
