Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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