I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize