Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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