you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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