Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
