I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
