Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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