I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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