If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
