swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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