O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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