I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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