Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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