yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize