This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
