All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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