people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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