I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
me + whiskey = a bad person
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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