I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
