Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
