WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
