you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
