you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
