dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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