Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
