I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
