soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
