I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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