I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When did we convert life to cartoon?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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