I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
