make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
