she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
