I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
