My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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