I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize