i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
