Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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