So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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