HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize