She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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