I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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