Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
