Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
