I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
