I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
