Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
