So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
