WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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