you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My pussy is not your playground.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
