You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
