clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
